Many of you may know that I have relocated to the oil boom town of Williston, North Dakota. I am working for an oilfield service company that you have probably heard of, and things are going well. The town is a pretty average place in the beautiful high prairie, but it did take some adjustment coming from the Land of the Ice and Snow. To fit in with the influx of roughneck rig hands, I was immediately issued a tribal band tattoo, sleeveless no fear hoody (reveals the tat), and camo rimmed 90's era foakleys (reflective). My gut expansion program (GEP) is going well...I have been able to mix gas station coffee with with the mandatory nacho cheese drip to improve viscosity and absorption qualities. Other engineering innovations will soon follow. My facial hair already grows into a natural goatee, so that is good.
Now that I have the proper look nailed, its time to loose the mountain bro-speak that I have become accustomed to. What I have always known to be a girth hitch is now a "choke hold"and carabiners are, of course, "lifting clips." Slings are still "slings" but they now support many more orders of magnitude of mass, and are much more sun bleached and corroded.
In all seriousness, it is great to do some hard work and make a little money after 12 years of scraping by. No more living off dumpster diving and deer tendons, although I will always look back on those times with a giant smile. I'm on a gravy train with biscuit wheels, which helps with my GEP. Today I swung the Hammer of the Gods under the blazing sun, and it occurred to me that I am controlling the means of production. We are Your Overlords.
Ayeeeyaaaaaa!
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